Tonight I let Logan cry himself to sleep. And it sucked.
Here's the lowdown:
Logan has become very attached to his mommy since I've been home from school this summer. We spend every waking minute together and I love it. He is growing and changing by the minute, and I cherish every second I get to spend with him. Most working moms don't get to spend their summers with their kids, so I consider myself very blessed. Anyway, I'm a softie for my baby boy and I've been letting him cuddle with me for a little while before he goes to bed at night. He typically gets a bottle, gets sleepy while drinking it, and then cuddles with his head on my shoulder for a few minutes. I let him get pretty sleepy, but not all the way asleep. I do this at nap times too, but apparently those aren't the issue because sometimes he gets up as soon as I walk out of the room and plays by himself for a while before falling asleep.
I guess tonight he just wasn't ready to go to sleep when I laid him down. I've been trying to lay him down a little sooner every night, working toward being completely awake when he goes to bed so he can fall asleep entirely on his own (yes I know he's 10 months old and yes I know we should be over this by now - we were at one point - but I LOVE my cuddle time with him). He was quiet for a few minutes tonight and I thought he was asleep, but about five minutes after I walked out of his room I heard him start crying. This isn't the first time this has happened, but it is pretty rare these days. I let him cry for about ten minutes. That's about as long as I can take it. Then, being the softie mommy that I am, I went back in his room, picked him up, and let him cuddle with me until he calmed down. When I thought he was almost asleep I laid him back in his crib...and he started screaming again. Not just crying, but full out screaming. It BROKE MY HEART. So what did I do then? I took a shower! I knew that was the only way I would be able to stay out of his room. It worked - he had stopped crying and settled himself to sleep by the time I got out, but I didn't like it. I know it doesn't hurt him to let him cry but I hate doing it. Eventually I will be glad I did it, but for now it feels like crap.
I'm a mean mommy :(
1 comment:
You are so far from a mean mommy, I'm mad at you for even entertaining this idea.
It's your job to take care of him, but it's also your job to make him strong and independent. And as corny as that my sound for a 10 month old, it's true.
In the long run, this is also good for you. Yes, you made the decision to be a mom, and there are a lot of sacrifices that you have to make, but you have to have the freedom to be able to leave him to sleep on his own at times.
(take it or leave it, as I'm not a mommy, but these are my sincere opinions!)
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